We Know We Need Rest
So why is it so hard to do?
This week’s post is from a special guest author, Leila Kalmbach.
Leila Kalmbach is the least judgmental habits and self-employment coach you will ever meet. She helps freelancers and other creative solopreneurs reach the business goals that excite them most by coming up with a solid plan of action that includes a plan for when things (or their own brains) go wrong — all while having a ton of fun in their business. Learn more at www.leilakalmbach.com, or sign up for her free video training, "How to ACTUALLY Get Through Your To-Do List."
Leila has helped me think differently about work, rest, and habits - I hope you check out her work.
As I write this, I’ve just come inside from picking mulberries from the tree in my backyard.
At this point in the season, very few berries are left on the branches, and the birds and squirrels eat almost all of them the moment they get a hint of ripeness.
In about half an hour, I picked no more than a small handful of berries — a fraction of what I was getting a few weeks ago, when I was picking several cups of berries every single day.
If I considered this work, the diminishing returns would mean it’s no longer worth it. I’d be much better off doing paid work in that half hour, than going to the grocery store or farmers’ market to buy boxes of berries.
But this isn’t work. It’s rest.
In addition to the few berries, I got morning sun on my face while in the backyard, helping me to wake up a little more.
I got into a staring contest with a squirrel who was perched precariously on a high, thin branch of the tree.
I watched an adolescent robin pecking at berries, then get chased away by a rude bluejay.
I watched two hawks circling overhead, in and out of view, and wondered how differently they view the neighborhood from how I do.
It felt great to spend time outdoors during the workday.
But I have to admit … there was a little voice in the back of my mind (even now, as someone who coaches freelancers on this very topic), reminding me that I needed to get back inside eventually.
That voice started working on this article while I was in the backyard.
It wanted to turn my rest time into productive time, brainstorming what to write in an article about rest.
Ironic.
But I don’t think I’m alone.
In our productivity-obsessed culture, rest is often viewed as laziness — or at least, wasted time. But in fact, it’s one of the best things we can do for ourselves … and for our business.
Rest comes with so many benefits. It helps us to come up with new ideas and innovations. It helps us to reset. It helps us gather our strength for the next push, whatever that may be, whether physical, mental, or emotional.
And the thing is, we know that.
So why is it so hard to rest?
What is rest?
First, let’s get our definitions straight. For these purposes, I’ll define rest as any activity that feels relaxing and enjoyable, and that you wouldn’t consider part of work. (Elsewhere, I define it a little more specifically, but the details aren’t important.)
In other words, rest isn’t just lying on the couch watching Netflix, though it certainly can be.
It could be going for a walk with a friend.
It could be baking a cake (or, ahem, mulberry bars with the mulberries you have stashed in the freezer from a few weeks ago — just a random example, of course).
It could be building a table, playing tennis, calling your mom, reading a book, or weeding the garden.
It can be active or passive, as long as it isn’t too strenuous and as long as you enjoy it.
Summer is a natural time to rest
This time of year in particular, when it’s hot out and stays light until long after dinner, I crave shorter workdays and more time just observing the world around me.
I crave rest.
Yet I spent the first decade of my self-employment fighting against that urge, trying to make myself stick to a “full” workday and be just as productive as other times of year.
You probably won’t be surprised to hear that I totally burned myself out doing that.
We know that forcing ourselves to work when we’re feeling the need for rest is a recipe for burnout. But we do it anyway.
Why?
Because we’re forced to make an impossible choice between giving ourselves what we need, and feeling that we have value in the world.
Let me explain.
Productivity comes first
In our culture, we’ve been taught to view productivity as our most important goal, and we’ve been taught to think of ourselves as similar to machines — capable of producing the same amount and quality of work each day in the same number of hours.
If we don’t measure up one day, we say it was an unproductive day. We’re disappointed in ourselves. We promise to do better tomorrow.
Productivity is the standard against which we measure ourselves.
While some companies are embracing “summer Fridays,” where employees can take Fridays off or work half-days, that’s still the exception, not the rule.
And most freelancers tend to follow the model of what they learned in the workforce, and what they see around them from family and friends in traditional jobs.
That model doesn’t include working fewer hours in the summer. Even for freelancers who do work four-day weeks in the summer, I’d be willing to bet that most still expect themselves to get the same amount of work done in those four days as they do in five the rest of the year.
In a culture that expects us to produce a consistent quality and quantity of work each week over a consistent number of hours, taking extra time off to rest is radical.
… But of course, it’s more complicated than that.
Earning our worth
If you’ve ever decided to just rest when you need it, you probably know what I mean.
There’s a feeling of anxiety, of “I’m doing something wrong,” that tends to come up when you take time off outside of what’s culturally acceptable — which typically means evenings, weekends, and two weeks of vacation time per year.
(And it’s not like that’s all rest time, either. We often feel guilty if there’s dirty laundry in the hamper, dishes in the sink, errands not yet run. Some of us look forward to time off work because we’ll have more time to organize the hall closet or clean out the spice drawer. Our culture values productivity outside of work as much as in.)
That anxiety comes from the tension of violating cultural norms. We think of cultural norms as coming from outside of us and trying to influence us, but we are part of the culture too.
The way culture gets perpetuated is that we take in what we learn. We make it a part of us. When you fight the culture, you are fighting yourself.
We’ve been taught that we are more worthy if we are more productive, and we’ve come to believe that. We see ourselves as valuable to the world and the people around us only when we’re producing, and we judge that value relative to how much we produced on other days in recent memory.
If productivity makes us more valuable and worthy, resting makes us less valuable, less worthy.
Is it any wonder we have a hard time resting if we unconsciously believe it makes us worth less as humans?
Shifting the belief
You will run yourself into the ground if you believe you have to constantly try to prove your worth to yourself and others. If your worth can vary from one day to the next, you’ll never have worked “enough” to be able to rest, because each day is a blank slate.
And most of us do believe that, whether we realize it or not.
So we take the two weeks of vacation time per year that we’re taught is acceptable, and try not to feel too guilty for it. We take evenings and weekends, when we can, and try not to feel too guilty.
(And increasingly, we’re expected to be reachable even on evenings, weekends, and vacations.)
Unfortunately, there’s no solution to this problem that can be summarized in a snappy, bullet-pointed list. But just being aware of what’s going on is a first step toward being able to give yourself the rest you need.
Recognize that sometimes feelings of guilt, anxiety, and unworthiness will come up when you try to rest. That doesn’t mean you should give in to the urge to be productive instead of resting. It also doesn’t mean you have to believe your inner narrator that you’re being lazy or wasting time.
Rest is a practice, just like anything else you have to learn to do. You won’t be great at it at first. Some days, it’ll be easier than others.
In short, you can’t expect yourself to rest consistently and perfectly every single day.
… Just like working.
And isn’t that the point?
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© Sarah Duran 2022
Find out more about me and my company, Fruition Initiatives, here.
Image by Chris Thompson from Unsplash
The Obvious Disclaimers…
This information is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional advice. What you decide to do with this information is up to you and all repercussions are on you.